"Why don't you shut up?"

Way too much diplomacy lately.
"Spanish King Juan Carlos, seated next to Zapatero, angrily turned to Chavez and said, "Why don't you shut up?"

French Education System

This video makes Teen South Carolina look good. I still don't know if this is real or if the audience flubbed the question on purpose. Either way, its pretty funny. On that note, geography quiz next week students.

I really hope this is a joke

Gay bomb...yes, really

"As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior."

Last time I picked on France so I guess its fair I pick on England now. I happen to like the country since lately I have been hooked on English tea, Manchester United, and the Kaiser Chiefs. In any case, I am definitely going to read this book.

The Evil Empire: 101 Ways England Ruined the World
"They invented slums. They invented child labor. They put Saddam Hussein in power. They burned Joan of Arc at the stake, and they enslaved the globe to get their tea fix. We're talking about England, of course, and the terrible evils they've set loose on the world. In The Evil Empire, American author Steven Grasse documents the 101 worst atrocities of Mother England everything from foxhunting to the invention of the concentration camp. With an irreverent mix of historical facts, smart commentary, and red-blooded American arrogance, Grasse offers a devastating critique of the country that gave us the machine gun, factory labor, and the metric system. Publishing just in time for the Queen's birthday (April 21), The Evil Empire is essential reading for true-blue Americans and others oppressed by the English throughout history."

Miss Mexico

I don't even know where to begin with this one.

Mr Bean!

If you call me Mr. Bean, I swear I won't cry...maybe.

I'm sorry for selling my story, says Iran hostage Mr Bean

"Seaman Batchelor's claim that he cried himself to sleep after his Iranian captors likened him to the comedy character Mr Bean made him a laughing stock.
One serving soldier posted: "Batchelor didn't do the reputation of servicemen much good either! Being broken by being called Mr Bean FFS! - that must be on a par with Monty Python's Spanish Inquisition and the comfy cushions."

"Another angry contributor wrote: "They should be expelled from the Armed Forces. Maybe HMS Cornwall could make a series like The Loveboat or be used for Big Brother? The Royal Navy seems intent on becoming a complete laughing-stock."

Next?

What goes up, must come down. But who will be the next world power. Cracked.com has a few ideas.

"Now, several other countries are poised to snag the title of “International Big Dog” from the reigning champ, so we've compiled an “it” list of the contenders. Only time—and World War III—will tell!"

South Park Rivalry

Last week South Park covered rivalry in that the British were behind the 'snuke' (suitcase nuke) that was, ummm, placed in Hilary. The point being that American's tend to forget their oldest enemy, British (which was an enduring rivalry.)

"An episode of South Park featuring the Queen committing suicide is provoking outrage. But if the show is famous for anything, it's for going too far."

French History of Warfare

France, not so good on the war thing. I have no idea if the following is a complete record of France's involvement in war. I could check but that is just putting way too much effort into this whole blog thing when I should be publishing.

France 4 - World 28
- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

We Are Going to Hell

I knew I was going to hell for something, I didn't think it would be capitalism.

Chavez launches biting US attack
"Those who want to go directly to hell, they can follow capitalism," Mr Chavez said in the town of Trinidad in Bolivia. "And those of us who want to build heaven here on earth, we will follow socialism," he added"

PS: The Mayans are a little insulted that Bush came to town:
"That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture,"

Diplomacy is not dead, it is just a little distracted

Morgenthau believed diplomacy was dead because we don't have good diplomats anymore. He may have been right.

Israel recalls 'naked ambassador'

"Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked apart from bondage gear. Reports say he was able to identify himself to police only after a rubber ball had been removed from his mouth. "

The Evil Mr. John Bolton

John Bolton, our former Ambassador to the UN, recently entered the news again as a critic of the North Korea agreement. I think its time we go back over the history of our walrus-like former diplomat. My favorite events of the Bolton saga:

1. He looks like a walrus, or shaggy dog.

2. He thought it might be a good idea to lose ten floors of the UN...with the people in it.
"In a 1994 speech at the liberal World Federalist Association, Bolton declared that “There is no such thing as the United Nations.” To underscore his point, Bolton said: “If the UN secretary building in New York lost ten stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference.”

3. He believes the best way to deal with North Korea is to destroy it. Way to negotiate John!
"Asked by the New York Times what the administration's policy on North Korea is, Bolton "strode over to a bookshelf, pulled off a volume and slapped it on the table. It was called 'The End of North Korea.'" "'That,' he said, 'is our policy.'"

4. He was a congressisonal recess appointment as the UN ambassador, mainly because everyone in the Senate hated him. While on a temp appointment, he acted like he had the authority of an appointed officer.

5. Everyone in the UN hated him:
"A July 23 New York Times article by Warren Hoge reported deep scorn for John Bolton among UN ambassadors, even from countries close to the United States. “Envoys say he has in fact endangered that effort by alienating traditional allies. They say he combatively asserts American leadership, contests procedures at the mannerly, rules-bound United Nations, and then shrugs off the organization when it does not follow his lead.”

6. He didn't want a recount in Florida in 2000.
"Bolton's “most memorable moment came after the U.S. Supreme Court ordered a halt to the recount, when Mr. Bolton strode into a Tallahassee library, where the count was still going on, and declared: ‘I'm with the Bush-Cheney team, and I'm here to stop the count'.”

7. He believe himself to be a human grenade, yes really:
"In his office at the State Department, Bolton displayed a mock grenade with the label: “To John Bolton—World's Greatest Reaganite” (Washington Post, March 8, 2005)."

8. After Iraq, he wanted to go to war with Iran, Syria, and North Korea. We should have just throw in Burma, Venezuela, and China for good measure while we were at it.
"In February 2003, Bolton said that once regime change plans in Iraq were completed, “It will be necessary to deal with threats from Syria, Iran, and North Korea afterwards” (Foreign Policy In Focus, February 20, 2003)."

9. He thinks it might be a good idea to recognize Taiwan as a state, a condition China has assured the international community would be a cause for war.
"“Diplomatic recognition of Taiwan would be just the kind of demonstration of U.S. leadership that the region needs and that many of its people hope for. The notion that China would actually respond with force is a fantasy.”

10. Opps, forgot about war with Cuba.
"Bolton argued that Cuba should be included among the “axis of evil” countries because of its alleged development of biowarfare capacity. Cuba is world renowned for its biomedical industry, but according to Bolton the industry was concealing a WMD project. Providing no evidence for his allegations, Bolton said that Cuba was involved in the sales of illicit biowarfare technology in part as a way to boost its cash-short economy."

11. Did I mention he looks like a walrus? Ladies and Gentlemen, John Bolton, an American hero

Simpsons

Marge: Homer no! Revenge never solves anything.
Homer: Then what are we doing in Iraq?

'Aqua Teen Hunger Force' Shuts Down Boston

Ok, this whole terrorism thing is getting out of hand. I have no idea how a 15 minute cartoon about a meatwad, box of fries, and shake can cause a terrorism scare.

TV Network Takes Responsibility For 'Hoax Devices'

"Turner Broadcasting plans to take responsibility for the "hoax devices" that were found at several locations in and around Boston Wednesday that forced police bomb units to scramble throughout the area.The incidents were part of a marketing campaign that involved a character from the cartoon show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force.""The 'packages' in question are magnetic lights that pose no danger. They are part of an outdoor marketing campaign in 10 cities in support of Adult Swim's animated television show 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force,'" Turner Broadcasting, the parent company of Cartoon Network, said in a statement."



More (This just keeps getting better): Youtube video of the "devices" that look like "bombs." Yup, so threatening. Excuse me while I go call the cops about the Bud Light sign that has been looking at me funny.

Video of guys who got arrested giving a press conference after getting out of jail. Said press conference was all about 70's hair styles. Fox News was not happy. "Does anyone have any other hair questions?"

Best Week Ever list other potential terrorist threats.

So why did Boston react differently than other cities? And how was this a hoax? These were just cartoons lit up to promote a movie.

Youtube "tribute" video of ATHF "attacks," we will never forget, sniff

Slow News Day

Nothing really has been going on lately. But I have been picking on the Republicans too much lately, so lets all make fun of the Democrats for not having a plan for Iraq.

Holy Socks

Wolfowitz, leading critic of Iraq and warmonger, seems to be having a bad sock day.

"As president of the World Bank, Paul Wolfowitz is clearly not short of a buck or two. So is he just too time-poor to get down to his local mall and invest in a new pair of socks? Known for his sharp suits and hawkish views, he was snapped revealing his inner slob during a visit to the Selimiye mosque in Edirne, western Turkey."